I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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