just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
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i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
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He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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