dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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