Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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