i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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