just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
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My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
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These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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