My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize