Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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