I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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