I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
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