i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize