he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
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I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
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I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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