take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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