I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
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There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
There's even glitter on my cock...
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