We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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