Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize