dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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