he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
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how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
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You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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