Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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