don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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