hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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