Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
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You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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