youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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