i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize