So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize