I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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