So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize