I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize