nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
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Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
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He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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