I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize