apparently the secret to your success is patron
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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