I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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