The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
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just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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