Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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