No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
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Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
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MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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