I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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