Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
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They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
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Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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