i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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