I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize