My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize