you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
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Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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