if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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