I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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