I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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