I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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