I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize