There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
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No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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