just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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