dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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