dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
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I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
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Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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